Behind the Foggy Mist...

"I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe, at the end of it all, you're still my best friend"

-Too Close, Alex Clare

Before I start on my rant of the day...

I look back to the past and I noticed that me and her fight (almost) every end of the year. It's always a different reason. But by the end of the day, We would still be friends. I question our friendship. Are we ultimate best friends? Is that why I can never stay mad at you forever? Is it because you mean a lot to me to the point where I am too afraid of losing you? Will this year end the same? 

There's always a reason for everything that happens. Maybe the choice of blogging my feelings isn't such a good thing. But the message gets passed anyways. Is it a sign that me and you are just not fit for each other? After all we've been through. The ups, the downs. Well. I take it as a lesson for all of us. Maybe by expressing my feelings, you would know how i feel....? Even if it means having to cut down a beautiful tree of friendship. I've been holding back those feelings of anger, frustration and sadness for way too long. Any longer then I'll explode into a million tiny pieces. "You can choose who you want in your life. Even if it means rejecting the people who want you in theirs." 

Right now, my feelings are tangled like split ends of hair, I just want to cut the end parts. Though, I regret nothing, instead I learn to move on and be a stronger person. Next year is going to be different. If drama comes knocking on my door, I'll just have to ignore everything and stay focused on what truly matters. I just don't want to feel the feelings of in-love, head-over-heels, anger, sadness, guilt... Negative thoughts have to wait for the next ride of The Emotional Roller Coaster; hopefully the ride will be delayed. 

Life is a roller-coaster of emotions, that's for sure. 

There's something people should start learning how to do, that is: Reading between the lines. I don't think you understood what I wrote the last time around. Just to clear the air, Heather (character of the 2nd last post) is not angry at Damian and Ellie together, AT ALL. Heather dislikes Damian and Ellie's ATTITUDE. Yes, world. Before you go on and make assumptions, please READ BETWEEN THE LINES.

I was also talking to one of my close friends about how some people don't get the main idea of things. Instead, they prefer to take down the details. For example --->

"UGH. I'M SO FRUSTRATED THAT I LOST MY SOCKS. IT WAS PINK, FLUFFY AND HAD STRIPES ON THEM. MAN, I WISH I KNEW WHERE THEY WERE. I REALLY LOVED THOSE SOCKS."

          - Main Idea
          - Details

See, being a friend is not about catching the details to my socks. It's about knowing that I am frustrated that I lost them. Still don't get it? Pretend someone sees me sad and angry at the same time. they come up to you and say "Hey, whats up with Nurin?" It wouldn't be logic for you to answer with "Her socks are pink fluffy and had stripes." Do you see now?

Another thing about humans is that sometimes we just wanna get over and done with when we read something that is long and doesn't matter. An easy example is HISTORY. We have so much to read til the point where we miss the other tiny bits and pieces. We skip to the main words all the time. And, well, different people, different ideas. You never know that those tiny words that you left out could have led you to and A+ But well, that's what you get. 

Reading is one thing. Understanding is another.

If you are like the people I listed, do read it again and UNDERSTAND the story. Because reading is one thing, understanding is another. I'm getting tired and sleepy. I just want to close my eyes and hide from everything right now. Good night, reader :)

p/s: I'm still afraid of losing you, I just need time to think things straight. Please understand that you still mean the world to me. 

Quick Post :)

Why Hello Readers :D

The last post I wrote changed a lot in my life. But, a part of me is saying that this is a start to moving on. Maybe I just need to leave the past behind and start a new chapter...? Well, There's one thing for sure. I've been listening to Chester *A LOT* and I came across this cover. Too Close by Alex Clare. It kind of describes my emotions....? 

Be sure to checkout Chester and Andy's version :


I'll blog more later I guess? haha. Tis All :)


You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right, which way is wrong
How do I say that I need to move on
You know we're headed separate ways

And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way

You gave me more that I can return
Yet there's so much that you deserve
Nothing to say, nothing to do,
I've nothing to give
I must leave without you
You know we're headed separate ways

And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way

So I'll be on my way

And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing that I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way

So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way

If the shoe fits...

"Well, some nights I wish that this all would end"

-     Some Nights,  FUN     -        

This is going to be a post that has been bothering me for... quite a while. It might be a story, it might be real life or it might be a little bit of both... but if the shoe fits, wear it.

I saw him the other day. He went out with one of my closest friends. I had no deal with that at all... or did I?

I'm confused with my feelings about Damian. He is everything any girl would ask for. He's fun to be with, ever so charming, and his sweetness is beyond the Milkyway. I was his friend since forever but we started getting to know each other better around late December 2011. It was a stupid television show which lead to a movie which lead to us knowing each others secrets... Sooner than I thought, he had a grasp on my heart, I felt like we were one. As days passed, letters arrived. He swept me off my feet with his every charm. I fell even deeper into this hole which people keep falling into called Young Love. We started thinking about the future, about how much we meant to each other, our plans after we graduate. I was head over heels, I admit, but then I remembered Faith's words; "Isn't this going too fast?".

As days turned to weeks, I thought about all that had happened and where it was leading to. Eventually, I called it off. I needed to focus on other things and like my mother once said "Focus on what's important". It was tough, like an Add Math question where you don't get to bring the calculator in. I was hoping that we could still keep in contact and remain to be the best of friends we are. I thought that right now wasn't a good time and told him specifically that "If we ever find someone to take our place, we shouldn't let the feelings of each other hold us back." and "If God willing, we will get together again." . So I waited. A day passed... 2 days passed... and on the third day, I couldn't take it anymore. He wasn't saying anything. Either of us were. As if we were going to end up like sad relationships where you just don't talk to each other. So I made a move and thankfully, everything was back to normal.

It's been 2 months since that day passed. I told him about my secrets as usual, and I told him about a crush I had on someone for about 6 years already. His name was Riley who was always caught up with somebody else. I always found myself only but a shadow in his eyes. Damian was surprised and raised me the question about whether we were getting back together, yet again I said "no promises". About a day afterwards, I found out that Riley had broke up with his girlfriend. I was in shock since I didn't see it coming.but since then, things became weird.

Questions of how the breakup was and what happened was all around the campus ( i think it was). Everyone knew about it. Later on, my group of friends - being their awesome shipper heart self, decides to ship me and Riley. I was chilled and laid back about it until it started to annoy me. Every word of shipping was annoying. My feelings just couldn't stand how these people never get tired. But there was Ellie. Ellie had a different point of view of things. She started bringing back the topic of Damian to our lunch table. She hated how people forgot about the ship they made for me and Damian. She even said once that SHE wanted Riley to herself, I just fell back in silence and covered the blanket on me as I fell into my slumber, wishing it was all a dream.

I noticed lately that Damian and Ellie were getting to know each other. I was pretty fine with it. But the fact that every time I talked to Damian, she would want to mention to the world how we would last forever. How we were the perfect couple. I got annoyed by it because I'm not even sure whether I'm going to get good grades, let alone a life time with Damian. I get it. She's trying to be a supportive friend and all, but doesn't she ever think that it's going over board?

Damian was another issue. He has been so afraid of losing me. Lately, he's been skipping his classes because he was "ill" and such (wants to spend time with me) on free periods. I didn't like it at all. When you are committed to something, nothing should distract you. Back on topic. I've been super busy with studies, co-curricular activities, family and other more important things I need to attend to. And the worse part is, Damian treats as if I don't care about/want his presence. No, its not like that. I like it when he's around, but I need my own personal space too. I need to organize myself also. The world does not revolve around you alone, Damian. He has to stop obsessing over whether we were getting back together, like, for real. On other days, he likes to feel bad about himself. About how he isn't like other guys. Like seriously, even if I comfort him, he just wont stop.

Back to the statement I made above, I was referring to Ellie and Damian. yeah. They've been hanging out. Sharing stories, agreeing on the same topics, doing assignments together... I really don't mind if they get together actually. I wouldn't even be surprised if they had feelings for each other.

Delayed~

Hello blog readers! I'm sorry I haven't been posting anything in a while. Got too caught up with all that's happening around me. Studies, sports (kinda) and... stuff that you guys might not want to hear.Anyway, I'm sorry for keeping this blog dead for God knows how long. I'll try to update as much as possible :)