"I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe, at the end of it all, you're still my best friend"
-Too Close, Alex Clare
Before I start on my rant of the day...
I look back to the past and I noticed that me and her fight (almost) every end of the year. It's always a different reason. But by the end of the day, We would still be friends. I question our friendship. Are we ultimate best friends? Is that why I can never stay mad at you forever? Is it because you mean a lot to me to the point where I am too afraid of losing you? Will this year end the same?
There's always a reason for everything that happens. Maybe the choice of blogging my feelings isn't such a good thing. But the message gets passed anyways. Is it a sign that me and you are just not fit for each other? After all we've been through. The ups, the downs. Well. I take it as a lesson for all of us. Maybe by expressing my feelings, you would know how i feel....? Even if it means having to cut down a beautiful tree of friendship. I've been holding back those feelings of anger, frustration and sadness for way too long. Any longer then I'll explode into a million tiny pieces. "You can choose who you want in your life. Even if it means rejecting the people who want you in theirs."
Right now, my feelings are tangled like split ends of hair, I just want to cut the end parts. Though, I regret nothing, instead I learn to move on and be a stronger person. Next year is going to be different. If drama comes knocking on my door, I'll just have to ignore everything and stay focused on what truly matters. I just don't want to feel the feelings of in-love, head-over-heels, anger, sadness, guilt... Negative thoughts have to wait for the next ride of The Emotional Roller Coaster; hopefully the ride will be delayed.
Life is a roller-coaster of emotions, that's for sure.
There's something people should start learning how to do, that is: Reading between the lines. I don't think you understood what I wrote the last time around. Just to clear the air, Heather (character of the 2nd last post) is not angry at Damian and Ellie together, AT ALL. Heather dislikes Damian and Ellie's ATTITUDE. Yes, world. Before you go on and make assumptions, please READ BETWEEN THE LINES.
I was also talking to one of my close friends about how some people don't get the main idea of things. Instead, they prefer to take down the details. For example --->
"UGH. I'M SO FRUSTRATED THAT I LOST MY SOCKS. IT WAS PINK, FLUFFY AND HAD STRIPES ON THEM. MAN, I WISH I KNEW WHERE THEY WERE. I REALLY LOVED THOSE SOCKS."
- Main Idea
- Details
See, being a friend is not about catching the details to my socks. It's about knowing that I am frustrated that I lost them. Still don't get it? Pretend someone sees me sad and angry at the same time. they come up to you and say "Hey, whats up with Nurin?" It wouldn't be logic for you to answer with "Her socks are pink fluffy and had stripes." Do you see now?
Another thing about humans is that sometimes we just wanna get over and done with when we read something that is long and doesn't matter. An easy example is HISTORY. We have so much to read til the point where we miss the other tiny bits and pieces. We skip to the main words all the time. And, well, different people, different ideas. You never know that those tiny words that you left out could have led you to and A+ But well, that's what you get.
Reading is one thing. Understanding is another.
If you are like the people I listed, do read it again and UNDERSTAND the story. Because reading is one thing, understanding is another. I'm getting tired and sleepy. I just want to close my eyes and hide from everything right now. Good night, reader :)
p/s: I'm still afraid of losing you, I just need time to think things straight. Please understand that you still mean the world to me.
