"Tell me why, you're so hard to forget. Don't remind me, I'm not over it."
-A Little Too Not Over You, David Archuleta
It was always you. You were the one giving me hope day by day. The one running through my mind hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second... I really thought that one day, maybe, just maybe... I won't have to dream anymore. My eyes gazed into the starry night sky as pictures of me and Cedric ran through my mind. Picture perfect moments could have been real if I just gave it a shot. But I'm a coward. Besides, it's too late now.
Imagine liking a person, for as long as you can remember. It's not an addiction, it's not an obsession. It's just a person that makes you feel like the world is not that bad after all. Cedric was one of those guys. He is one of the people in my life that mean the world to me. I get worried for no reason whenever he gets hurt; may it be physically or mentally. I tend to care about him a little too much. I fell head over heels, in the clouds, warm and fuzzy on the inside whenever he smiled. His smile. He deserves the best smile award. His shy smiles always meant something to me.
Dreaming about one day, getting to let out all of what you felt towards him. Sending him little love notes and sharing your deepest secrets. Getting morning calls and meeting him at a place only the two of us would know. He was the one I wanted to spend my forever with. He was the one that could make my stomach do a perfect triple back flip which could have won first place in the Olympics. Cedric had a way of making me feel like I could fly with the little things he does. We were never together, we were never an item, we were barely even best friends. In fact, we were just two people who knew each other from school; Acquaintances. That is all we were. But I felt a connection. A spark. But, indeed, he obviously doesn't feel the same.
Cedric won many girls' hearts. Not mine alone. He even won my parents hearts *which is really rare and hard for someone to do*. He was always with someone, every year if I'm not mistaken. He was the 'IT' guy everyone liked. Many girls have fallen in and out of love with him. And, in every moment, I felt his pain, his joy, his sadness, his happiness... Even if we're not best friends, even if he didn't tell me, I was there to share the moments from afar. I hated how I felt. I hated how I couldn't move on. I hated how I was so into him. I guess I fell too deep into this hole.
There's always a time where he makes me feel like a freak. A freak who is obsessed with him. A person who always sniffs his butt, if you must. You can feel the coldness when he doesn't want to talk to you. When he's with his friends, he won't even look your way. But when he is alone, it's different. You don't need hints to know. I didn't understand WHY. Why does he have to act different around me when he has his pals by his side? Am I too ugly? too unsocial-able? too low-standard for you? It makes me feel so angry til the point where I start thinking that me and him are never going to have a future together, let alone being close friends. Me and Cedric, Cedric and I, we were nothing but a Grammy Award Winning love-story that will never happen.
But, when his friends are not around, he turn into this person who I can never stay mad at. A person who makes me feel on top of the world! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?! Maybe I'm not the only girl who feels like this, maybe I am. You never really know.
I'm starting to think that it's better of this way. Cedric living his life and I'll live in mine. I'll keep on thinking he's that one guy who I'll never get, and he can go on chasing other girls. I'm already emotional about something so small like that. Imagine if we were together, the world would be drowning in my tears .
" Love is a damaging mistake and its accomplice, Hope, is a treacherous illusion." - Zaza Azahar (@ZZazot)
It's that time of year to erase you from my memory, maybe this time I won't leave any marks.
