An Honest Mistake (Earlier Version)

[ Before anything. I found this under my 'Drafts' and I've been meaning to post it once upon a time. I think this was from 2-3 months ago. Another apology note (i guess). So, yeah :) ]

I'm sorry, among all of the people in the world, you had me. I was never good enough. I was always at the bottom line. And you always had high hopes on me. I'm sorry I couldn't meet to your expectations. I'm sorry that all I ever do is fail in your eyes.

I'm sorry for not always being there for you. I'm always too busy with studies and family. Maybe you don't feel it but I do. I miss you loads and I can't wait til we get to catch up. I apologize if I've ever rotted in your house for too long, eaten all your snacks and crackers, made you feel sad and let you hold it in for too long, slapped you too hard when we were making jokes... I really miss hanging out with you. But, hey! We're going to see each other soon right? You are one of those friends who never gave up on me. I'm sorry that you have to put up with my rants and sad stories. I apologize if i tend to revolve the world around me. I talk too much, about my problems, my likes and my dislikes. And, sometimes I feel like I never pay attention to you as much  as you do to me. You were always so patient when I smacked you a little too hard, when I made hurtful comments, when I tend to cry over the most wittiest things. I'm sorry for all that I've done and for all that I am. I'm sorry if I'm not good enough to be your friend.

As days past, feelings fade. Rain and tears wash the pain away. I'm stronger now and I know what to expect the next time I fall. You are my best friend, now and forever. I hope that we stay this way. I'm sorry If I'm a little too harsh on the words that I say. My past behaviors when I was angry was very unacceptable. I shouldn't have given you high hopes and delicate dreams. I hope you have forgave me for my mistakes. To be honest, I miss how we would talk for ages. How we would talk to each other til the middle of the night. I miss that. I guess it's the time for us to split ways. I still hope that you forgive me for every part of my soul that has ever done wrong to you. Buddies for life?

Someone who I've waited for years. Someone who I thought was the best. You were always in the back of my brain. Always in my sight in the moonlights glow. I constantly have the need to talk to you. I always feel like I want you in my life. I always get you pissed because I annoy you a whole awful lot. I get pissed at you as well when you tend to text me back a little too slow or, at times, don't reply me at all. I don't even know why I would feel such a way when you and I are not even an item. Maybe the cold truth that I have to face is that, you don't want me in your life. Whatever your choice is, I respect that. I'll be out your door as fast as my heart can go. I'll pick up the pieces and hold myself together. But, please note that you are always more than welcome to enter my life.

An Honest Mistake

"I know I'm probably much too late, to try and apologize for my mistakes. I just want you to know."

-When I Was Your Man, Bruno Mars.

Hello readers. 

Apologies I have yet to make. The list goes on and on. 

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging. I've been caught up with so many things. Studies, extra curricular activities, literature play... Lets just say having to go home at 5 pm almost everyday isn't exactly the best thing I have ever done in my life. With the play and all happening... stress, emotional breakdowns, misunderstandings...

I'm sorry I was angry. I'm sorry that every single thing that happened for the past year has been pissing me off. Every little fight made me go crazy. It's the middle of the year now. I don't expect people to accept my apology, because, really, I'm a criminal. I might as well be executed for my wrong doings. I'm sorry that the words that I typed were slightly (no, really it was actually REALLY) harsh. I wrote it out of anger and frustration. I wrote it out of pain and misery. What other place to dump it in other than my blog: a place for people to hear me out, right? WRONG. I guess that's not what a blog is for. A blog is for you to recommend places to shop, foods to eat, etc. 

I'm sorry that you have to handle my crap all day. I noticed how much I'm not there for you most of the time. How I don't understand your emotion. How I can't relate to you. I really am terrible at being a friend. I feel like I should do more. I feel like I am a worthless person to be called a buddy. But, I'll try. I'll try to listen; not hear. I'll try to understand as much as possible. I'll be more like you. A person who listens, who understands, who knows what its like, who will stand by you through every challenge possible without fail. Thank you for sticking around even if I was pain in the butt.

I'm sorry to you for being the reason I got angry. I would blame PMS but... everyone goes ballistic when they reach their breaking point, be it men or women. It's not you that made me angry, it's what you did. I don't hate you, I hate what you did. I'm sorry that I got angry for who you are. I'm sorry that I didn't realize how much I would affect the people around me, especially you. I don't expect you to change. I don't expect you to accept my apology. But from the bottom of my heart. I really am sorry. 

I don't expect you to accept my apology, really. I just want you to hear me out for the last time. I want you to know what I feel. I want you to understand what you put me through. I also want to thank you for making me a stronger person each day. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for existing. Each person that walks into my life leaves a mark, be it good or bad, and I appreciate every soul for it.

"The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest."





The feelings stay. No matter how mad I am at you, you still do mean the world to me. All of you.

I Can't Find The Words To Say.

The walls crumble,
you tumble down on the rocks,
those that you've built out of pain and regrets,
the pain you endure,
with a heavy heart.

You weep of the pain,
the suffering,
the feelings you try to hide,
hiding behind a mask of smiles,
that is slowly tearing apart.

You wash away the rocks of pain,
with tears streaming down your pale white skin,
like the waves of tsunami,
taking along the houses and cars away,
like the pain you feel today,

"Tomorrow is a new day, 
a new start to a new chapter,
a new me, a new mask,
but let this one be sincere"
The words running through your mind,
I suppose.

What do I see in a person like you?
A person with a heart that's pure and true,
you always have my back when I needed you,
supporting me in whatever I do,
"that's what makes you, YOU"

We're all growing up,
older and wiser,
we can't even, really, rely on each other.
For, we all have to learn how to live on our own,
facing the challenges when the days have gone.

Before you carry on with your life ahead,
stand up, stand tall,
be strong, be who you are,
I'll still be here when ever you need me,
look to the floor, maybe you'll see me.

You're stronger now. Trust that.
Miss you to bits, buddy. ♥

{I Dont Have A Title}

Hello readers. This one is going to be shorter than usual. Why? Because I have not much to concern about the person I'm writing about. Also, I apologize that I have not been posting lately because I've been busy. Will post more ASAP :D

"I don't know what song to put here because really I don't care about you anymore"

-Insert Title Here, Insert Singer Here.

Dear you, 

You have gotten me through nothing but trouble. Since a long time ago, since we reconnected, since you were my best friend. Yeah, it made me happy, it made me have new experience... but I always got in trouble in the end. I do regret telling you my problems. One of the definite reasons would be because you never actually listened. You've changed. I get it that you're in a mess with your life, but you don't have to take it out on your "friends". 

You could say anything that you want. you could burn my spirits down. you could push me all around. but this time, I will not stand still. I'm stronger now, and I have you to thank. Really. I do. Without you, I wouldn't know what "Hate" truly is. Since you have almost all my secrets in your hands, it's your choice what you want to do with it. Do you want to blackmail me? Threaten me? Spread it to the world? At the end of the day, the jokes on you. Whatever I have about you will not be On-Air. I understand my boundaries of giving information. 


I apologize for the mistakes that I've done. For being a pain in your ass. For butting in to your business. For trying to save you from repeating your mistakes. I know that my life is pretty messed up too and I have to understand where I stand. But, sometimes, you don't mind the pain to see others happy. But, if you're not willing to accept my apology, so be it. 

So, I unfollowed you. I took your advice ;) you told me that if I hated you so much, why not right? :P I got the guts to actually do it instead of waiting... Like you :P It's funny how you think that all the tweets that I post are about you. It's funny that you are making such a big fuss about what we used to be. I'm tired of you already. So, I moved on. I'm taking a faster pace than you. Getting you out of my life was very, VERY stress relieving. 

This is your cue to get your friends to unfollow me, not talk to me, hate on me for no reason. Just so you know, the two people that unfollowed you, other than me, didn't do it because I told them to, it's because they too are tired of the way you have been treating them. 

PS: See you in school :)