Problem?

" But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough. "

-Somebody I Used To Know, GOTYE

The past week was crazy. Well, at least I was. With problems at home, problems at school.. its like problems grow on trees.

Lately, things havent been easy... LIFE hasnt been easy. People starting to not care about life. People starting to get lazier day by day. No one really cares anymore. Love is just an asset. Life... Something I would never understand. 

I cared for you more than you imagine. I know that if I told you something, you would listen. But now its not that way anymore. I'm suddenly responsible for your job. SINCE WHEN. I get it, you're not yourself. Doesn't mean you can desert yourself from the problems of life. Instead, your problems will grow bigger and bigger. Like homework. If you dont do it, you're gonna end up with a whole mountain to finish.

Haven't you noticed how I want to hug you, talk to you, have a meal with you... It always feels like you want to avoid me. I dont even know who you are anymore. You used to be like a best friend to me. You've changed. Sigh. 

Today I just went all out. Even though you're not here to hear it. But I definitely felt better. I'm sorry for my siblings to have to hear me scream at them. I was supposed to be angry at someone else. I never break down in front of them, but this time... I'm sorry. I've never let out so much pain.  I''m sorry to the neighbors too. I hope they didn't think I was in danger or something. Now I have a sore throat. 

Well, Mothers day is coming soon. Doubt that I'd be celebrating it with my mum. 

EXAMS. Ugh. Another Problem. I haven't started studying. I can't concentrate in class or tuition. Its like I've hadn't had enough sleep. But, I've been sleeping early. As usual my routine of waking up at 3am is still running smoothly. except for these past few days. 

This might be the last post til mid terms. I think I'll go and study? Good luck with that. And to my Dreamers *LOLHWUT*, may mid term's be nice to you :)

Finding The Words...

This might be the third day you've been acting like this. I can't stand watching your tears fall. That day, in the car, what a fright you gave me. My memory is a blur but I remember almost everything. You were angry... frustrated... you were hurt. By what? I cant seem to figure that out. 

You wear a mask, hiding the pain with a smile. You never fail to convince the rest of the world, but you can't fool me. I know you more than you know. But, why aren't you telling me...? Right, of course. You're worried that whatever it is that is going on will interrupt me from my education and such. But what you don't know is... not telling me bothers me more.


Everyday, every minute, I wonder... Will everything go smoothly? Will whatever it is slide? Things have changed. I don't remember you listening to this much Adele. I don't remember you wanting to blast the radios. I especially don't remember having you wear sunglasses when the sun is not even up.


I know that you would say "this is non of your business" but indirectly it is. I am part of this too. You were there for me, holding on when I was about to let go. You were the one who picked me up when I was about to crash and burn. This time, I want to return the favor and I want to be there for you whenever you need me. But, you would most probably tell me "A way you can help is to not interfere at all." Well, at least that's what I have in mind... For now.


La Tahzan. Don't be sad. Something you have always thought me to do. I have tried, hiding my emotions with a smile. Always telling myself that it'll be alright, and always have faith in God. God is forgiving and God knows what we are feeling. God is there when we need him. Don't you remember? Now, its your turn. 


I love you with all my heart. I hope you know that well.